Demented Pony Dreams
by Denizen Of Madness
Summary: A bunch of one-shot type of stuff I based on my dreams. It's really weird and stupid. Formerly known as "What is this I don't even".
1. In which slash happens

**A/N: I really have no idea what the frick this is. I kinda wrote it when I was asleep somehow... So, yeah. I don't even know why I'm posting this! Read, flame, whatever Mah little bronies! Just keep in mind that I wasn't all there when this was written.  
**

* * *

Pinkamena Diane Pie stared longingly into the cupcake that was many skulls arranged to resemble a giant one. Bored, she threw it into the incinerator that conveniently stood to her right. For whatever reason, the pink pony had found herself in a Wal-Mart on Spider Planet in Galaxy Omega-Nine. Amongst a sea of spider-ponies high on the euphoria of shopping for simple commodities such as C4 explosives, Pinkie Pie stood out as the only one who could see the truth.

Everything, including her, was made out of soap bubbles.

_Tap tap tap._

The shoebox that rested on Pinkie's back went off. Opening the box and shoving her head inside (while the box was still on her back), she took the call.

It was Rarity, who was juggling three desks lamps in a vain effort to hide her blatant racism.

"Would you be a dear and patty cake a chumblebort while you're in space?" The marshmellowy unicorn asked as she spontaneously burst into flames. Pinkie removed her head from the box whilst shutting the lid over it, ignoring the screams of ecstasy that sounded from her friend.

_"What a bitch,"_ Pinkie thought merrily as she left the Wal-mart. Said Wal-Mart was subsequently destroyed by a now teen-aged Discord, who flung the remains into another dimension.

Pinkie, for the first time in centuries, was happy. Nothing, not even Trixie Margolias Lulamoon's acne problem could dampen Pinkie Pie's mood. She was so happy that- for no reason at all- she became a stallion and renamed himself Bubbles D-lite (Known to his friends as Bubble D).

Discord, noticing the sudden sex change, came onto Bubble D.

"'Sup. Names Discord. I'm the god of chaos and disharmony. Wanna make out?"

And so they did.


	2. In which Twilight goes to space

Twilight fell to the cold wooden floor of her libraries basement, exhausted. Smiling a smile weary from her hard work, she looked upon her glorious creation: A rocket ship shaped like her horn. (Which wasn't in any way, shape or form phallic.) Finally... after so many hours of working... putting her blood sweat and tears into it... even ripping out her own soul to fuel the engine... She had completed the first part of her plan. "What do you think, B.I.L.L.?" Twilight asked her assistant, B.I.L.L. C.L.I.N.T.O.N.

A mechanical replica of the former president, Bill Clinton, Twilight built C.L.I.N.T.O.N. when Spike -that little bitch- left to pursue his dream of becoming a ballerina.

"I did not have sexual relations with Rarity," C.L.I.N.T.O.N. said.

"Fair enough," Twilight relented. She then teleported into her rocket's cockpit and blasted off, leaving a hole in the building. As it left the planet's atmosphere, she relished the thought of achieving her goal: obtaining the Word of Faust and becoming a god. All she had to do was go to the center of the universe and rip it out of her creator's, cold, dead, hands.

* * *

Suddenly: pocky! Everything was pocky! Sexy time was never so horrid! Corn dog figs!

Then, Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All, rended the soul of Nyarlathotep from him, and cast it into the Wal-Mart void!

Sitting in the throne room of her galaxy sized warship, Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All drank a nice cup of tea as she did so. The willowy black cloak she wore fluttered in a beachily breeze. "Ah, what nice tea."

From the shadows, a twisted creature garbed in a black robe appeared from the shadows. She had a perky face and pretty blond hair. "THE COMBITION OF GOLD TURTOISE, MAN SHADOW, AND UNTHINKABLE KIND IS SURELY BALANCED," Tarah Strawng said.

"Indeed," replied Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All.

And they blew up Unicron with a laser made of Nyan-Nyan-Nyan Katamari Damaci!

* * *

**A/N: Yay, more stream-of-consciousness writing!**


	3. In which Celestia watches porn

Spin, spin, spin! Spike span across the ballet hall with such rapidity that he began to leave vampire sparkles on the floor. The ceiling tongues looked down in shame at the spectacle. It was an embarrassment to the art. He lacked elegance and poise and all sorts of things. Had some cocky unicorn cast some forbidden spell to make this travesty happen, or was there a reason yet more baffling?

Faster, faster! His spinning increased, faster, and faster. So fast that the little dragon frackling was but a mere blur to all those who observed. Then, pirouette! His feet could no longer take the horrible dancing, and promptly exploded. Blood and tendons flew everywhere, leaving no surface clean. He fell to the floor, deader than disco.

Betwixt and between the realms of reality and mirror, the princess of the night, Luna, watched eagerly. Stepping out from the mirror from which she watched the travesty unfold, Luna carefully levitated Spike's corpse and wrapped it in a white sheet. Then, with another quick flicker of magic from her horn, they vanished, leaving the janitor to clean up the mess.

* * *

Celestia sat on her couch, which was made of menstrual blood, watching porn. Her potion was a slight slouch, as if she was bored, but her face told a different story. It was a manic glee, really. That face. Like Molestia, only taken up to eleven.

Her attention shifter slightly from the porn to the door or her apartment as she heard is open and slam. Her face returning to its normal serenity, she paused the saucy escapades and turned her head. "Luna, what have you got there?"

Luna, whose face was now reminiscent of Celestia's "porn face" replied, "IT IS A NEW PROJECT SISTER! A DEAD BABY DRAGON! IT IS FRESH, THIS PLEASES ME!" Spike, who was still wrapped in the sheet, hovered to her right.

Celestia chuckled. "And just what do you plan to do with it?"

"I WILL REPAIR IT, SISTER! MAKE IT STRONGER, BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE! CAN I FIX IT? YES, I CAN!"

"Alright, just don't start another zombie apocalypse, you hear me? It took forever to clean up that one."

"WE SHALL, SISTER!" And with that, Luna went to her room and locked the door behind her, readying her lab to perform all sorts of experements.


	4. In which Discord sings

Celestia continued watching her porn with her usual enthusiasm. The sound of power tools emanated from her sisters' room, drowning out the cheesy dialogue. Using her horn, she lit a cigarette. Boom, baby. Boom boom baby.

Discord exploded into existence like the holy gospel of Gravity Falls. "I just had sex~" Sang the young chaos god.

"Cool story, bro."

He flopped down on the seat next to Celestia. "So, Who, what, when, where?"

"Luna's creating another sin against nature, Sombra's being a slut in the shower with my nephew, Cadence is being an emo bitch and locked herself in her room-"

"Fuck you, prep!" Cadence shouted angrily from her room.

"...And Shining Armor is over there." She pointed to him in the corner. The stallion known as Shining Armor was a mere shell of his former self. He was now reduced to a vegetative state, and sat there, staring into space. He made a nice coat hanger.

"Sweet," said Discord.

"Shut up, man! I'm watching Sombra slut it up with my nephew!" Celestia shooted, pointing at the TV, which was many cupcakes. The pony kind.


	5. In which Fluttershy kills everything

"BURN! AHAHA! Burn!" The hellish heavens sang of Darkmeal Fluttershys' laser eyes. Ponyville layed in ruins, and all ponies who dared to be shipped with Big Macintoch were slain. And by that, I mean EVRYONE. Twilight, Caramel, Cheerilee, Luna, every single living creature in Equestria was destroyed. Save for Fluttershy and Big Mac.

Yes... No no one will be shipped with Big Mac except for her ever again... Fluttershy smiled at this thought. A wicked smile. But it wasn't enough... No... She had to kill _everything. _All life in the universe must be extinguished in order for her and Mac to be the only OTP. And not just all life in the unvierse... the multiverse must also perish. The fans who would dare ship otherwise... the creators... EVERYTHING.

She then encased Big Macintoch in fuckeverythingcrystal and brought down her hoof, shattering the planet and making the solar system implode in a spray of yay.

Off to her filthy evil, then.


	6. In which Twilight evolves

"RAGGLE FRAGGLE!" Twilight shot meteors from her nipples at the space gopher that floated in front of her ship. It was voluptuous. The Word of Faust would be hers, and hers alone! Nothing would stand in her way! NOTHING! It crashed. And you. Lost. the. game.

Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All's ship was fabulishious. She sat in her throne, sipping tea made of Weeping Angel's menstrual blood., her clothes were woven from the horns of Geof John's generals.

Looking, out the window, Tarah Strawng pointed and sexily declared, "I AM A MONSTER COACH, THE FIRST MANKIND ALL OVER THE WORLD."

"Hmm?"

Just then, Twilight's totally-not-phallic ship crashed through the ceiling. Despite the fact that the vacuum of space should have killed them, it didn't. They were just that awesome.

Twi teleportaled out of her ship, shouting, "Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All! I have come for the Word of Faust and take my place as the undisputed Galactic Mistress of all of Existence!"

Tarah Strawng appeared out of the young unicorn's shadow. "I AM VERY DISGUSTED WITH THE TRASHY MAN. IN SPITE OF THE MONSTER, AND THE COACH, ONLY TRASHY, I WILL BEAT DOWN THEM ALL. FOR THIS I MUST STRENGTHEN MYSELF. THE MONSTER IS THE SAME TOO. COLLECT ALL THE TRASHY, RIGHTEOUS FELLOW ALL ARE UNPARDONABLE! YOU DON'T AFFECT ME. THE TRASHY STROLLING IS AN EYESORE!" She unleashed one of her thousands of tentacles, and slapped Twilight, sending her flying across the room. She then grabbed her legs with her shadowy appendages, and spread them as far apart as they would go.

"ARE YOU NUTS?! I'M A HORSE!" Twilight struggled in vain to pull herself out of the naughtiness.

"YOU DON'T AFFECT ME." Tarah Strawng retorted excellently. The perky voice actress placed a Richard Nixon mask over her face. And then from a nether dimension, she withdrew a bill to sign and a pen. She proceeded to use the purple mare's stomach as a writing desk.

"NOOOO! STOP! I'll... I'll doing anything!" Twilight's horn glowed, unleashing a magic wave that vaporized the tentacles that bound her.

"YY? ? Y-?! ?X? ?X?! ?C?X?! ? ? ?" Tarah Strawng shooted angrily, summoning forth even more tentacles from the place where all nerds converge. Her mask burnt to ashes by her pure fury.

"I am no longer bound by thine ligature of lingam, sister!" Twilight's horn glowed in an infernal cast, for she was about to cast off her shell, and ascend to a higher plane of pegasisterdom.

"YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE HOT. GAINING EVERYBODY' ATTENTION, I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY," Trah Strawng unleashed a wave of shadowy tentacles at Twilight.

Twi retaliated by releasing another wave of pure magic directed at the nasty appendages. The two attacks meet, destroying each other.

The unicorn swiftly casts another spell. This time, a rain of pure Scootaloo beat down against Tarah Strawng's face. Tarah Strawng responded by withdrawing her groinsaw and leaped at Twilight.

She missed, only clipped Twilight's flank. She shot a lazor as Tarah Strawng tried to regain balance. It struck her core, shattering it.

The eldtritch actress fell to her knees, grasping her chest area. With her last breath, she gasped, "WHO IS IT TO THE END? WHY TO MAKE THE THING?"

"Because your faces BURNS!"

Tarah Strawng took solace in that fact and faded out of existence.

And, with that, Twilight leveled up. A crack formed along her back, and widened. It was time. She was about to evolve. Her new, true, form began to emerge from the shell that was once her body. She felt nothing, and emerged like a butterfly. A butterfly who wasn't a bug but an evil being with god like power. For Twilight was now an Alicorn. That's right bitches, an Alicorn. What are you going to do about it? Bitch? Say everything's ruined forever? I don't care. What's done is done. She's an Alicorn, get over it.

She would now call herself Twilicorn the Deflowerer.

_Clap. Clap. Clap. _ That sound echoed throughout the ship. It was Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All. "Congratulations, Twilight. You have defeated my most powerful general and evolved into your naturally ultimate form. But your journey stops here. I will not allow you to steal the Word of Faust. You will never take my place as the Multiverses ruler. Ever." Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All snapped her fingers and summond a laser chainsaw.

Twilicorn the Deflowerer smriked and transformed her horn into a plasma balde, ready for the final battle.

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**A/N: Every line Tarah Strawng utters comes from another series. The first person who can correctly guess what series can give me a prompt chapter for this story. (Hint: It's a video game)  
**


	7. In which Twilicorn calculates

Twilicorn the Deflowerer floated through the Wal-Mart void atop a plasma screen TV with the screen shattered. Around her were the decaying corpses of the Spider-Ponies who dared shop when Discord was destroying the store. A scar ran along her pitiful face, a testimony to Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All's might, and Twilicorn's ass kicking by her foot.

Was the Word of Faust truly powerful enough to defeat, neigh, destroy Twilicorn in her ultimate form? After a glorious battle that lasted for Gleventwen Grantlebitches, Loren Fowst, Dark Lord of All had cast Twilicorn the Deflowerer down into the hell known as Wal-Mart when she had grown bored of their fight. All her effing efforts were for naught.

Perhaps there were other factors she didn't calculate.

"YOU DON"T HAVE ANY!" A voice echoed through the muffled dark.

"Frack."

* * *

"mAgIc JuNk, MaGiC jUnK~" Sang Sweetie Belle as she stabbed a Nightgaunt who was due for a Playboy shoot with her tail. She wasn't really Sweetie Belle, for her mane and tail was made of lasers and her eyes were made of headless changelings, making godless love to windigos made out of cabbages. But she was still Sweetie Belle.

"Sweetie Belle, what have I told you about murdering the mud creatures that plague our fair city so brazenly? There are laws protecting these abominations as people now," Rarity scolded. "If you want to cleanse the world of these unpeople, be less overt about it."

The sisters strolled through Ponyville park, eating eyes-cream. The place had been decimated recently by Fluttershy. But, thankfully, she had merely atomized it.

"FoRgIvE mE, mY sIsTeR," Sweetie Belle hung her head in shame. The R34 kind.

"All is forgiven. But we must hurry to the Ethnic Cleansers of Equestria meeting, else we be put in the pillory. Again." And the two trotted off, planning more evil in the future.

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**A/N: Told you Rarity was racist. But you didn't listen!  
**


	8. In which Rainbow Dash eats food

Rainbow Dash squatted in the ruins of Appleoosa. Well, Castle Snappleoosa. Well, Castle SnappleSmooza. Where was she again? Never mind.

She licked apart the remains of her fallen foal-slave, Snipple-Snapple-Crapple, for he was the last food left in Equestria. The fires of Tartarus burned in her intestines, and she vomited steam onto a nearby apple tree, bringing it to life. It decided that it would dedicate its life to fast food preparation, and flew into space, ripping a hole in space-time and resurrecting famous punk-rock band, Space-Nazi-Tyrannosaurs. They were all made of ham.

_"Baby, We're Nazis, I guess._

_Now the tuxedos eat our moms mess._

_What the effing crap? We just got felt up!_

_Our CARTILAGE is melting! S'up_

_Hommies! Pie is awesome~"_ They rocked out and promptly exploded into Rice Krispies.

Rainbow Dash reminded herself to kill herself later. And so she shot a lazor into the dimensional hole, and exploded the head of Rainbow Dash 5.8, who was from the Rainbow Factory fanfic. You could say... that she tasted the painbow.

We realized that we were all men of the horse.

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**A/N: I had to get this chapter out of my head. This is the stuff I see in my dreams.  
**


	9. In which Apple Bloom plays the Ukulele

Apple Bloom withdrew her ukulele, HellFlayer, from a dimension where all screamed for pie. Wrought from the silver heart of Season Three's false promise, laced with vessels that pulsed with Anti-Bronies hate-blood, and hewn from the horns of Stephanie Meyers' generals, it laughed as it was set loose, a laugh that only Apple Bloom could hear, but none could share.

She swung the instrument through Scootaloos' chicken neck, and did the duck walk. The traitor planned on selling the seventeen Dragonshy ballz to Klllll Hamburger, the Five Headed Dragon. But she showed her, yesiree. Now that dastardly fiend would never rule the five porn kingdoms.

Then, a laser shot from the sky, and struck Apple Bloom's hooves, making her drop HellFlayer. Chains made from pure anti-matter wrapped around her legs.

"You really didn't think you's get off that easy, did you?"

Apple Bloom grew a third eye and gasped. It was Cadence, entombed in her enchanted Troll Armour, accompanied by her loud-mouthed troll sidekick.

The Dragonshy ballz levitated and transmogrified into pure cotton candy. "The equinox is starting soon! Hurry, troll sidekick, we must bring them to Klllll Hamburger before the muffin sauce reaches -324 Celsius!"

"SHUT UP, FUCKASS! I'M ON IT!" Shouted the troll sidekick as he put the ballz in a sack made of changeling hide.

The two melted into chowder, and left the meteor.

Apple Bloom thought about jelly beans.


	10. In which Canterlot is rainbowfied

Wilfre torched Canterlot Library. No, Teh Book o' liefe wasn't there, either. He withdrew his scepter from a place made of pure naughtiness and shot rainbows at the city, for no reason other than his douchebagerry. The horror... the multicolored horror! He flew into the sky, and prepared a giant rainbow ball...

...And was promptly eaten by a Space Shark. Farting pylon gas, the Shark rocketed into space, late for the orgy on a mosaic it was invited to.

Looking out the window, Celestia reminded herself to buy bug spray. Damn characters were messing up her lawn again.


	11. In which Diamond Tiara dies

Trixie blasted through space at speeds incalculable by mere mortals. She was no longer a unicorn. Not anymore. The showmare had acquired more power than any unicorn ever through her tap dancing lessons, and had evolved into a new form- a shapeless mass of glowing purple spheres and blue tentacles.

Her destination was Equestria. Specifically, Ponyville. Her many, many digits wrapped themselves around several nearby stars, and crushed them for no reason at all. It wasn't a holly jolly Hearths Warming that year for the planets that needed those stars to survive.

Anyway, Trixie continued her pilgrimage towards her home planet. Why, you ask? To devour Diamond Tiara, of course!

OF COURSE!

SHUT UP, BISON!

FDUIEBHF

~Scary flash back oooooooh~

Back when the world was a grainy monochrome color, Trixie had grabbed a materia despite the fact that she needed to be level eighty to use it. It was a white one, because everything was black and white. She then tired to summon the otherworldly forces contained in it, like a trainer. During a show. On a dare. She failed.

"Ha! Look at this bitch!" DT pointed a spear made of molten lava at Trixie. "She can't even summon a nightgaunt, let alone The Knights of the Round! Let's throw stuff at her!"

And the gelatinous crowd threw their grape seeds at her hooves.

"I like pie!" Shouted a disembodied voice. But alas, Bon Bon's curse remained until the end of time, no matter how great her love of pastries was.

~End this erotic flash back OoOoOoOoOoH~

Trixie crashed into Ponyville, the impact caused an explosion that left the town a smoldering crater. But to the mighty Equestrians, that was but a scratch. Nothing they couldn't fix.

She activated those scanner things the Predator has to search for the bratty filly. A few grantlebitches later, she was located!

Ponyville Hospital.

Trixie made indescribable movements to reach the facility, and punched a hole in a wall. She grabbed Diamond Tiara using one of her tentacles. The reason the filly was there in the first place was because her bitchiness had finally internalized itself as a parasitic entity, and was feasting on her spinal fluid.

"Please... help... me..." She rasped.

Trixie paused and looked at the sick child. Did Trixie fell a pang of conscience for the first time in a millennium? Would she be merciful?

Trixie wasn't. The shapeless being absorbed DTs entire being into herself and dispersed her atoms around the galaxy.

She then planned to watched Avengers 2.


	12. In which Zecora is cool

Zecora walked down the streets of Ponyville wearing nothing but sun glasses and the coolest pair of jeans ever made. Each step she took created a fine layer of ice on the ground. Rhianna's "Shut up and drive" played from out of nowhere. The zebra scoffed as the foolish masses heaped praise upon her infinite swag.

The whimsical zebra stood on her hind legs, and swiftly stomped her forelegs on the ground, creating a frigid shock wave that froze the entirety of Ponyville to the core. She walked over the frozen body of Flash Sentry; the stallion's body was more like an ice sculpture than a freshly made corpse. She tapped him lightly with her hoof, and he shattered into billions of icy shards. Finally, the world was free from that generic, cliche "love interest" who really has no place existing in the first place.

"It looks like..." Zecora withdrew another pair of sunglasses from the dimension of severed squirrel heads and placed them over the ones she was already wearing, "he just needed to chill out."

"YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Roid Rage roared.

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**A/N: I dislike Flash Sentry.  
**


End file.
